Lucy's Diary Excerpts

I got back. I had this crippling pain in my stomach (I'm still sure there's something wrong with me. No one can have this many problems with their body). So I basically lay on the sofa, silently dying, begging Jacob to pass me my diary while he found as many ways to annoy me as possible.

"Jacob..." I moaned. "Can you get me my diary and pen, please..." "No," he said. "Just kidding! I'll get it." He went over to the table, and brough back the tomato ketchup. "Here you go!" he said triumphantly, sniggering at his own joke. "Jacob..." "Fine! Fine!" He went to the table and handed me a book and a twig. "Is this what you wanted?" he asked. Five minutes later I was surrounded by random objects. "How is this still funny to you?!" I cried.

...

We left The Warehouse laden with what looked like half the shop, including three stone candles, cushions, and a welcome mat. The welcome mat had been the most interesting of all - anyone who has been shopping with my mother will know that she has the astounding ability to wreak havoc in any shop. In a quest to grab the perfect shade of mat, she managed to flip all the others onto the floor, haze at them for a moment, then say "well, let's go then."

...

Hmmm. Kind of bored now. Rebekah entertained us by arranging a pillow as a nappy to 'protect us from her farts', but she's gone now. Sighhh... now all I had for company is this Taylor Swift rap they insist on playing repeatedly on their phones.

...

Teaching myself bar chords on the guitar. Jacob and Beth spent the day getting their character's 99 lives each on Super Mario.

...

I'm currently trying to convince Alicia to let me keep a bird in our room. I've got it all planned out. I'll buy one of those big rustic bird cages, right? And hang it from the ceiling with a beautiful (tame) budgie inside. It'll stay in our room to stop the cats from getting it (I hope). Then I'll take it out and hold it every day, until it thinks I'm it's mother. Then I'll train it to come to me whenever I sing that song from Shrek.

I'll be perfect.